Boundaries: a Saga

Let’s talk about boundaries. Super exciting, right?

Maybe it’s my conflict averse disposition or my crippling anxiety that if I stand up for myself people will reject me, that causes me to go with the flow and avoid making my boundaries super pronounced. However, if the last year has taught me anything it is that not making clear boundaries does a disservice to all involved, especially you.

For me, it is easier not to rock the boat initially with friends, to be easy going and let people do what they want. However, I have noticed that sometimes people will take advantage of this and push and push for what they want until you eventually feel cornered. When this happens, surprise, that means you didn’t make your boundary known or if you did, you aren’t doing a good enough job of enforcing it. To me, this is actually scary because I think that if I stand my ground I am being difficult or I am going to alienate someone. But, this is just my own insecurities and issues talking, if friends truly love you and want you to be happy and feel respected then having sufficient and appropriate boundaries shouldn’t ever be an issue.

I was struggling a lot with this over the past year or so and finally realized how the fuck to navigate this more recently. If I knew how to set the boundary then I wouldn’t be living with strangers for the past long months. As annoying as dealing with this has been, it has been really eye opening for me because I truly don’t want to have to deal with a situation like this again. As always when something is going on in our lives we find something profound in an instagram meme. This time was no exception. The one I found is from a boy Tony and I quote: “I told my therapist that I let some things slide that bother me to ‘keep the peace’ and he told me ‘that sounds nice, but you’re keeping the peace around you . . . what about the peace in you.” Now I just been saying whatever is on my mind.”

This genuinely came to me … and when I say came to me I mean came up on my feed at the perfect time. Say what’s on your mind. It saves everyone involved from getting involved in an awkward altercation even if it seems aggressive at first. If all else fails, at least you respected yourself enough and can have that peace within.